So I’ve been dating this guy named “J” for about a month now. We met online on match.com, exchanged emails for about 2 weeks before meeting for coffee and now have been on about 4 dates. I felt like he was coming on strong and was so focused on having a relationship, getting serious, and getting remarried that I was getting completely overwhelmed and terribly freaked out.
On our last date last Saturday I felt like it was probably going to be our last date. It is my birthday today and we were kind of celebrating my birthday. I absolutely loved everything else about him, he was smart, funny, super sweet and thoughtful, good career, had goals and aspirations and we got along extremely well. We had kissed a few times but I was feeling overwhelmed and I thought this date was do or die.
So I went into the date with no expectations…I thought we probably wouldn’t see each again because I wasn’t feeling those sparks and thought that things were moving too quickly. But for the first time, since I really just didn’t care, I actually just RELAXED and really enjoyed myself. My walls came down and I allowed myself to be vulnerable. His sensitivity and thoughtfulness just shone through and he told me multiple times how much he really liked me.
We had a long talk about our “talk” 2 nights prior where I just asked him to just slow down. I expressed how I felt he was in 5th gear and I was more like in 2nd gear…I wanted to just take it really slow and see where it went. I wanted to really get to know each other and I wasn’t emotionally or physically ready for something serious. I didn’t want to mislead or lead him on because I know what he wants…he’s dating with a purpose and wants to get remarried. I also expressed how I wasn’t anywhere near ready for any of that. In the end I just asked him to slow down and give me time to adjust. He was upset, hurt, and blindsided. I felt absolutely horrible about it the next day but I felt it needed to be said. I was feeling an immense sense of pressure from him to be this perfect person for him that he had up on this pedestal and I wasn’t ready for that.
“J” said he appreciated the conversation and he just needed time to process it. I told him I figured he needed to so just gave him the time to do that. I absolutely distanced myself because I was emotionally preparing myself for the break up. I fully intended this to be over and thought this last Saturday was the last ditch effort. I wanted to see how he would react to my request to “slow down” and see if he respected my wishes or if he was immature, pouted, and was passive aggressive.
So here comes Saturday, I put on my coral maxi dress, air dry my hair (long story), and put on my makeup. I drive up to the restaurant not really knowing how it is going to go….end result…I finally realize that I am with an amazing man. Something just clicked and I know the moment it did, we were at the dinner table and I looked over at him and just realized all of a sudden that I wanted him. Plain and simple. I would be a fool to let him go and I just needed to relax and be myself…completely myself with him and see where it went. He told me towards the end of the night that he felt like he was really lucky to be dating me. That everything I said the other night about him moving too fast was right. He really liked me and that is why he was moving so fast and no, he does not typically drive 30 minutes one way to see a girl for lunch.
You know those sparks I said earlier that weren’t there? Well, not only were there sparks but there was an entire fireworks show that night. We just had this chemistry that I just couldn’t deny anymore and I just opened myself up enough to enjoy it and see what was there all along.
It just goes to show that sometimes you need to just relax!! Stop over analyzing things, live in the moment and you will be amazed what can happen. Happy birthday to me!!
singlesexyandclueless 