When you realize you are in love for the first time.

So I’ve been married before and now that I am in healthy and loving relationship I have had an epiphany….I think I am in love….for the first time in my life. How is this possible?

I haven’t felt this feeling before…
— feeling like I can’t wait to see him again
— this overwhelming love
— the sense of gratitude I have for him
— the feeling of hopefulness
— knowing that he makes me a better person
— knowing that I can trust him and that he can trust me
— the love and support we have for each other’s careers
— the unselfish mindset we have when it comes to accommodating each other
— how fiercely I miss him when either one of us is out of town
— the uncontrollable crankiness I feel when he’s gone and I just plain miss him
— the immense loss I feel when he is gone for work

I feel all these things for him and I think about him all the time. I just know that I love him like I’ve never loved anyone in my life. I never knew that love could exist like this.

I think back to my first marriage and how it was like when I first started dating my ex and it is a night and day difference. I remember feeling like I cared about my ex but not this all encompassing love that I feel now. The way I described it to my boyfriend was that his love was like the perfect spring day with the sun shining warmly on me and the breeze was blowing softly on my face and me just thinking that it is just the “perfect” day. Nobody is perfect and we both have our flaws but I love him so much deeper and so fiercely even with those flaws. We work as a team and we have such a great attitude and mindset towards life that I can’t think of anyone else I would rather grow old with.

Is he the person I thought I would end up with??? Well I typically dated men who were in excellent shape, great physique, worked out, good jobs, intelligent, and supposedly good personalities. But let’s be honest, I was just looking at physical appearances and what was on the outside and not what was on the inside. After the divorce, I think I was dating super attractive men with great bodies because I wanted that ego boost and shot to my self confidence but not looking for substance.

After being burned a few times I learned my lesson and realized that I needed a man of substance not just physical beauty. My boyfriend is an attractive man and is so amazing because he is so supportive of me, my goals, my son and our future together.

So that goes back to my point, I never really, truly knew what love was… I have never wanted to be so selfless as I do now. I reminisce about my ex-husband and think about the “good” times we had when we first started dating and it honestly is hard for me to remember being in love with him. I don’t think I was really “in love” with him. I think I was honestly just lonely and he was a “good” boyfriend at first and over time it just became convenient. And as time wore on, I had so much invested in him and the relationship that the next logical step was marriage even though it wasn’t the right step.

So as you women go through this dating phase, I will tell you what didn’t work for me and hopefully you will learn what didn’t work.

1. Give a guy an ultimatum- “Marry me because we have been dating for x amount of years and it’s time to take the next step.”
2. Pressure or force a guy to make that commitment just because it’s “time.”
3. Now you’re married, jump into having kids because that is the next logical step
4. Feel the pressure yourself to get married because friends, co-workers and family keep asking when the big date is?

Learn from my past and realize that you should marry that person because you can’t live with out them. Because you wake up every morning with a smile on your face. Because they are the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing that runs through your mind at night. Because you absolutely love them with all their faults and idiosyncrasies. Because they make you a better person. Because it is absolutely going to be forever not just we will be married until it gets bad and then we can just get divorced.

Marriage is forever and that is the mistake I made the first time; I didn’t take it seriously and I paid dearly. Don’t you think you should be marrying your soul mate, your lover and your best friend? Hindsight is 20/20 and I intend to keep it that way. I’ve learned from mistakes and I know that what I have happens once in a lifetime and I don’t intend to let it go. If this happens to you as well, don’t let fear and insecurity cloud your judgement, swallow your pride and fears and let your gut guide you. I finally listened to mine and found them love of my life. Find yours too!

Looking back and seeing the future

Sometimes you need to reflect upon what has happened in the past to be thankful for your present and future. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 1/2 months and are extremely happy. I’ve had my doubts, fears and insecurities almost ruin the relationship but I’ve powered through them because I know he is a wonderful man who I would be stupid to let go. But last night as we were laying in bed, we were reminiscing about our relationship and how “me” become a “we”.

It really is amazing to think that someone that you didn’t know about almost 6 months ago is now one of the most important people in your life. That you trust them with your most intimate secrets. That you have faith in them that they can take care of your son. That you love them unconditionally.

Looking back 6 months ago I think about where I was…I was newly divorced, I was dating online, I was going out with friends and keeping extremely busy, I was spending a lot of time with my son…I thought I was happy but I really wasn’t. I’ve come to realize that I am a very independent woman who has a strong personality, big heart and generous nature but I still need to feel that love and companionship of a man.

6 months ago I thought I could do it all by myself and I didn’t need a man. I thought I was Miss career woman with a great job, had my shit together, and a steel determination that I could do anything I put my mind to. Now I see that I was a woman who was trying to fill the void in my life with work, friends and my son but at the end of the day I was just plain lonely. I remember feeling that longing for a male companion to go to the movies with, have dinner, to be able to call after a long day and tell them about my good or bad day.

We constantly reflect upon how we met and how our relationship has progressed quickly to where we are now. We think about how this relationship could’ve been de-railed by so many events or actions we took. I never thought I could be this happy with someone. My most recent experience of being in a relationship was with my bi-polar ex-husband so it was very skewed, irrational and unhealthy. So when my boyfriend and I had an off night this past Friday, it really scared me.

How can you build a future when you are terrified that your past relationships will come to haunt you? “J” and I had an argument on Friday when we had a rare date night and it was a bad night of disagreement and petty fights. It rattled me and I knew that I never wanted another relationship like I did with my ex and this was like déjà vu all over again.

A few days later and many hours of self reflection later I realized that I need to stop letting the past haunt me. “J” is nothing like my ex and one bad night after 5 1/2 months of dating is really good. We both admitted our fault in our disagreement, identified areas where we could improve, apologized to each other and then MOVED on.

I think the key to a successful relationship is knowing when to just let go. I know many of us like to hold on to an event that made us upset and it turn it into a grudge but that is not good for anyone. Do we need to just learn to let bygones be bygones, swallow our pride, and apologize before we let the best thing walk out of our life. When did the art of saying sorry become a thing of the past?

When the past haunts you in the present

There you are enjoying life, embracing the Christmas spirit, and readying yourself for the holidays. You have the bright idea to create a pseudo scrapbook and gather pictures from your phone, Facebook and your boyfriend’s Facebook page to download and print out pictures. Then it happens….as you scroll through his Facebook pics trying to find ones of you two together to download…you see it. There it is on the internet, pictures of your boyfriend tagged by his ex-wife. Reminders that he had a life before you two existed stare you blatantly in the face.

As if that didn’t hurt enough, you want to torture yourself more by continuing to browse his Facebook. Then your heart gets another jolt as you find a Facebook Note detailing his visit with his birth mom (he was adopted) and he compares it as the best event that ever happened to him besides his wedding day. He then also has a sidenote to his wife where he is joking around with her about how he was comparing the meeting of his birth mom and his wedding day.

The jealousy quickly overcomes you and even though you know it’s completely irrational, illogical, and unfounded, you find you are extremely jealous. You go look at his ex wife’s Facebook page and see that she is a very beautiful woman. This is not helping your jealousy.

You stop and think about WHY you are jealous? Do you think he still has feelings for his ex? No. Do you think he would ever go back to her? Again the answer is no. Do you think he will ever cheat on you? No again.

So you pause and really think about why you are jealous. As you reflect over several hours and speak to your best gal pal about it it still eludes you. It’s not until you text your boyfriend that you are exhausted and want to just climb into bed after you get your son into bed that you have time to really ponder why.

Until now, you have been the only woman that has been the center of his attention. You have been lavished with his encouraging words and whispers of adoration and have never seen anyone else at the receiving end if it. Now you have proof staring you in the face that he used to be that way with his ex-wife; they used to be happy and in love.

Could this all end in a fiery crash as well? This is where reality has slapped you in the face and kicked you off cloud nine where you have been inhabiting for almost 5 months. The fear, doubt and uncertainty have inched into your thoughts and you start doubting the validity of your feelings for each other. Is this just a period of extreme infatuation for him? Does he fall this hard, this quickly all the time? Is he just lonely and just trying to fill up his extra time with you and your son? Is the sex just an added benefit that he receives because you are lonely too?

All these thoughts are rushing through your head and you have a sense of sadness and the emotions overwhelm you. You cry a bit and just sit and think about this wonderful man and think that it may just all be too good to be true. Some days you just have the doubt and uncertainty and need some time to yourself.

So you take the time you need to reflect and think about how you felt this time last year which was depressed, lonely, hopeless, angry, upset, and unhappy. Now think about how you feel today which is happy, content, giddy, and loved. You know you have a wonderful man and sometimes guys are just boneheads and just forget about these minor details. So just keep filling up that love tank and realize that he fills yours until it overflows. Sometimes you need to let the mistakes be just that..a mistake…..mention it, work it out and then move on.

That empty nest feeling

There you are sitting in your house, surrounded by friends, family and loved ones and you are feeling so content with the environment. The house is alive with energy; children running around playing, people chatting about their lives, laughter and conversation are permeating the air. Thanksgiving Day was a fun time with family and conversation with the obligatory frustration that comes when family comes together. That time has passed and family has gone home, friends have moved on with their busy lives, and children gone with their parents.

You are left in your house with your thoughts and time to contemplate your life. Today is December 9th and is well past Thanksgiving but I had a moment to sit and contemplate my life. I am beyond happy with the progression of my life and how happy I am at this point in my life. I have a wonderful boyfriend who has filled me with so much happiness that I didn’t think I could be this happy. My son is really settling down into this new routine, loves school and and is making new friends. Life has taken on a new meaning; the shine shines a little brighter and the stars twinkle a little more brightly at night. Life is good.

As everyone rushes out the door to start their day at work or school I am left home alone with my thoughts. The energy of the house decreases and I feel a wave of emptiness. I understand how parents have that “empty nest” feeling and am so grateful when my son comes home from school and boyfriend comes over after a long day at the office. Do we take enough time out of our days to just be thankful for the small blessings in life? I don’t think so but I am going to start today.

You are my more.

You are my more….Those are the words my boyfriend told me on November 10th. What do you do when you have met a wonderful person and want to be with them night and day? You want to spend the rest of your life with them but are too scared to verbalize it because of this irrational fear of being rejected?

When he spoke this words to me, something in me melted. I felt this deep well of emotion and a wave of love for this man. He wants me because he just wants ME. Not my body or the sex or the prestige but just me. Do you know how it feels to just be loved for who you are? Not for your body, looks, sex, upbringing, money or reputation? Just because you are who you are.

I’ve had this self doubt for a long time because I wonder if I deserve this type of love. He gives me this unfiltered, unrestrained, pure and untainted, selfless love. I have low self esteem from my upbringing and then again from my ex-husband who continuously tore me down on a daily basis.

Now, I have this amazing man in my life who just consumes my thoughts. I was speaking to my friend about it earlier today who is single and looking to date again. She met an older man in his 50’s and she thought it was a “what the hell moment” and thought she would give it a chance. I told her that you never know who you might meet and be attracted to.

My boyfriend is not at all the typical guy who I was dating. I was used to dating the very good looking and in shape kind of guys who could grace the cover of GQ. They had six packs and worked out daily and had very nice bodies with the douchebag personality to go with it. I also typically dated white guys and my boyfriend is Asian. The first Asian man I’ve ever dated and it was quite the transition for me at first.

I finally decided to give nice guys a chance again and met this guy who was very intelligent, smart, witty, thoughtful, considerate, and caring. He also has polio and has a slight physical disability from it but that doesn’t bother me in the least. I have fallen in love with him as a person; I love his personality, his character, his moral foundation, and his caring and loving personality. I feel like I’ve found the missing link and I feel so fulfilled right now. The only obstacle I have at this point is fear.

I fear that I am falling in love too quickly and that this is going to crash and burn. I’ve put myself out there and I have a lot at stake because I’ve given this man my heart; I’ve introduced him to my son; I’ve made him a part of my life and it scares the shit out of me that I’ve made myself so vulnerable. What if I get hurt again? What if I am making a mistake and have introduced a man into my son’s life and he ends up leaving me?

He told me last night that I am his more. That I am what he has always wanted and he wants to be a better person because of me. He had a rough day at work and he is very career oriented. He said in the past he would have been devastated by the comment the sales director made about his presentation he delivered at this new hire training class.

Instead, he said he thought about what we had and how special it was and realized that there was so much more to life than just his job. I’ve made him realize that work is just work but if you don’t have anyone to share it with then it can all be for nothing. I made the comment that you can be a successful CEO and have all this money and prestige but if you don’t have anyone to share it with then it doesn’t matter.

How do you get over being scared of getting hurt again? I love this man so much and yet I’m afraid to let him in completely. These walls I’ve built around my heart are crumbling and are just about demolished but I still have a hard time completely expressing my love. What do you do when you love someone so much yet still have an irrational fear of being rejected?

That pivotal moment that rocks your world…just temporarily though

So here I am enjoying life with my fantastic new boyfriend, my adorable son and great job…I mean it doesn’t get much better than this. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop; I thought my boyfriend was just too good to be true. He was loving, thoughtful, considerate, intelligent, smart and had a great sense of humor. We had such a great time together when we saw each other that I just thought that something had to give, that some dark side had to show up, or some skeleton in the closet would make itself be known and ruin everything. I was keeping just a bit of distance between him and I; I needed that tiny bit of cushion to keep my walls up just a bit to ensure that I didn’t fall completely and utterly in love with this man in case there was something “wrong” with him. I didn’t want my heart to be broken because I had just gotten done putting those pieces back together again after the divorce.

Well, little did I know that another side plot was brewing in the background. My 6 year old son is a very curious guy and he has been wondering for quite some time if I had a boyfriend (which I didn’t when he initially asked me) and now that I did, I couldn’t justify not answering his question truthfully. So during this conversation, I find out that my ex is not only dating but has a girlfriend that my son has already met once. WHAT?? So that was a big shocker to me but my son is relentless in his questions about whether I have a boyfriend or not so I told him finally that I did in fact have a boyfriend. He wanted to know what his name was/where he lived. After answering and asking a few pertinent questions such as, “Do you think you would want to meet him?”, I knew it was time to have that conversation with my ex-husband about both of us dating again.

So I called my ex-husband a few days later and we had a discussion about both of us having significant others in our lives. It sounded like my ex was much more serious about his girlfriend than I was with my boyfriend. I also found out that he started dating her 4 months after the divorce and they had been dating for the past 7 months without my knowledge. That in itself was a shocker and I was a bit stunned by that news since I had no idea he had a girlfriend in the first place.

Well, I few days later I am at lunch with co-workers and I get an interesting text from my good friend “V” who informs me that my ex-husband had posted some interesting content on Facebook. She then goes on to tell me that my ex is now engaged to a girl named “Y”……Ummmm……WHAT??? I sat in stunned silence for a few seconds while my co-workers looked on in curious breathlessness. I finally shared my news and then continued to be shocked, numb, in disbelief for the rest of lunch.

I walked back to my desk and just sat there for a while…what was I going to do? How do I handle this? What do I tell my son? And if I am going to be completely honest, I was a tiny bit hurt that he could move on that quickly. My boyfriend was so amazing and supportive during that time and said the best things he could’ve at that moment. I told him that I was in shock and asked when he would be over at my house. He told me that he could be at my house as soon as I needed him to be which I initially declined the offer; but then I thought about it and thought I should stop trying to be so strong and lean on him when I really needed him. So being the wonderful boyfriend that he is, he left work early, drove the 40 minutes from work to my house and was just there for me. Even though I had to work and had 3 conference calls to be on, he still left work early just to be there for me. This man LOVES me and I sometimes feel like I’m not good enough or don’t deserve this love, but then I pause and think about the rough divorce and bad marriage I got out of and realize that I DO deserve this pure and selfless love.

So just when I could’ve spiraled into a deep depression, or turned to bad habits, or broken up with my boyfriend, I instead made a major step in my life and embraced the one selfless person in my life. I let my walls come down and let him come in and see my vulnerability. It was the best thing that I could’ve done. He demonstrated how committed he was to me by literally dropping everything just to be there for me. When life throws you a curveball, don’t drop that baseball bat and cower in the corner; square your shoulders, look right at that curveball and knock it out of the park.

Deer in headlights

So I’ve been dating this guy named “J” for about a month now. We met online on match.com, exchanged emails for about 2 weeks before meeting for coffee and now have been on about 4 dates. I felt like he was coming on strong and was so focused on having a relationship, getting serious, and getting remarried that I was getting completely overwhelmed and terribly freaked out.

On our last date last Saturday I felt like it was probably going to be our last date. It is my birthday today and we were kind of celebrating my birthday. I absolutely loved everything else about him, he was smart, funny, super sweet and thoughtful, good career, had goals and aspirations and we got along extremely well. We had kissed a few times but I was feeling overwhelmed and I thought this date was do or die.

So I went into the date with no expectations…I thought we probably wouldn’t see each again because I wasn’t feeling those sparks and thought that things were moving too quickly. But for the first time, since I really just didn’t care, I actually just RELAXED and really enjoyed myself. My walls came down and I allowed myself to be vulnerable. His sensitivity and thoughtfulness just shone through and he told me multiple times how much he really liked me.

We had a long talk about our “talk” 2 nights prior where I just asked him to just slow down. I expressed how I felt he was in 5th gear and I was more like in 2nd gear…I wanted to just take it really slow and see where it went. I wanted to really get to know each other and I wasn’t emotionally or physically ready for something serious. I didn’t want to mislead or lead him on because I know what he wants…he’s dating with a purpose and wants to get remarried. I also expressed how I wasn’t anywhere near ready for any of that. In the end I just asked him to slow down and give me time to adjust. He was upset, hurt, and blindsided. I felt absolutely horrible about it the next day but I felt it needed to be said. I was feeling an immense sense of pressure from him to be this perfect person for him that he had up on this pedestal and I wasn’t ready for that.

“J” said he appreciated the conversation and he just needed time to process it. I told him I figured he needed to so just gave him the time to do that. I absolutely distanced myself because I was emotionally preparing myself for the break up. I fully intended this to be over and thought this last Saturday was the last ditch effort. I wanted to see how he would react to my request to “slow down” and see if he respected my wishes or if he was immature, pouted, and was passive aggressive.

So here comes Saturday, I put on my coral maxi dress, air dry my hair (long story), and put on my makeup. I drive up to the restaurant not really knowing how it is going to go….end result…I finally realize that I am with an amazing man. Something just clicked and I know the moment it did, we were at the dinner table and I looked over at him and just realized all of a sudden that I wanted him. Plain and simple. I would be a fool to let him go and I just needed to relax and be myself…completely myself with him and see where it went. He told me towards the end of the night that he felt like he was really lucky to be dating me. That everything I said the other night about him moving too fast was right. He really liked me and that is why he was moving so fast and no, he does not typically drive 30 minutes one way to see a girl for lunch.

You know those sparks I said earlier that weren’t there? Well, not only were there sparks but there was an entire fireworks show that night. We just had this chemistry that I just couldn’t deny anymore and I just opened myself up enough to enjoy it and see what was there all along.

It just goes to show that sometimes you need to just relax!! Stop over analyzing things, live in the moment and you will be amazed what can happen. Happy birthday to me!!

Can someone help me change my Single Status?

Sorry I haven’t been able to post in a while, I’ve been busy traveling, working, trying to sell 2 houses/buy my new house and also be a good mommy to my son. Geez, I’m exhausted!!! To make matters worse, I guess the news of my new single status is hitting California like wildfire and I am just beating guys off with a baseball bat.

So let’s do a run down of guys who are both available and unavailable who are showing interest and pursuing me:
– Business Partner, “T” – Pros: Older guy, very nice, accomplished and has his act together, divorced and available, and has a 7 year old daughter. Cons: Lives in San Diego, older, not very attracted to him.
– Younger Business Partner, “J” – Pros: extremely attractive, nice, good/dry sense of humor, a little sarcastic, down to earth, has his act together, divorced and available, 5 year old son, a ton of chemistry and attraction between the two of us. Cons: Lives in Sacramento, CA, very shy and hasn’t shown any initiative towards asking me out, sends me mixed signals, very busy juggling life with son since he has 50% custody of his son.
– Peer and Co-worker, “S” – Pros: accomplished, very nice, knowledgeable, has his act together. Cons: Much older (like in his 50’s), lives in Oakland, zero attraction, could cause problems at workplace if I don’t nip this in bud now
– Peer and Co-worker, “K” – Pros: nice and knowledgeable guy, affluent and well to do, Cons: Married and unavailable, zero attraction, lives in Chicago and commutes to Sacramento, would not start affair with co-worker since it’s morally and professionally wrong.
– Random guys from online dating – Pros: Seem interested and willing to wait for my schedule to free up to meet Cons: not very interested in meeting them.
– Co-worker, “R”- Pros: Nice, knowledgeable, affluent, great career, tall, great attraction to his personality and intelligence, also physically attracted to him. Cons: very married with young son which is very bad because if he was single I would date him, he travels all the time so not very available to meet if he were single.

I have this problem now that the guys in California know that I am single and available and are now pursing me. My peer/co-worker asked me if I wanted to go have dinner last night and I said sure, but I wanted to make sure that he didn’t get the wrong idea so invited other people to go eat with us. Thank goodness I had other people there because I didn’t want to feel awkward and didn’t realize this guy was divorced because otherwise I wouldn’t have accepted the dinner invitation. Now the next morning I get an e-mail from him saying “Nice having dinner last night. Next time you head this way if you want to take a day or night trip to SF, let me know. Would be fun.” Seriously?? What is that supposed to mean? I am NOT taking a night trip with him to San Francisco! Damn, I need to nip this in the bud quickly or I am going to myself in hot water. I thought he was just being nice to me but now I am getting a different idea.

So this is my plan, I’m going to text cute BP “J” and ask him if he will be my wingman and pretend I’m dating someone so that other guys will leave me alone. I know it’s convoluted because I really want to date him but if I can say I’m dating him then everyone will know it’s someone local and will leave me alone rather than trying to keep pursuing me. Geez, this is another thing I miss about being off the market, I didn’t really have to deal with this….I would flash my wedding ring and talk about my husband and son and 99.9% of guys would leave me alone.

Who knew you would want to change your single status so other guys would leave you alone? I never thought I would ever have this problem…damn it sucks to be single sometimes. Let’s see how this year shakes out. So far it’s been a roller coaster but I’m just trying to enjoy the ride, lift my hands in the air as we crest the hills, and let the wind blow through my hair as I whoop with enjoyment. What other way is there to approach this? Let’s all put our hands in the air together…and wave them like we just don’t care! (Sorry…you know I couldn’t resist!!!)

Guys like bitches…or at least they like the chase

I am learning what guys like as I venture out into this world of dating. I was of the mindset that dating is hard enough so I was trying to make myself more available and make it easier on the guys so they didn’t feel so awkward and rejected. I was being too damned NICE. I wasn’t playing the game right..I was making myself too available.

So I have been talking to my girlfriends about my dating mishaps and they all came back with the same answer. You need to play hard to get, you are making yourself too available. So my friend E let me borrow her book called, “Why Men Love Bitches” by Sherry Argov. She said I was being too nice and I needed to make it so they pursued me instead of the other way around.

With much skepticism I started reading the book last night and boy do I feel dumb. I was doing EVERYTHING wrong!!! I was too freaking nice to these guys..I wasn’t playing the game. Well in my defense I don’t know how to play the game in the first place since I’ve never really dated. But, I needed to stop being so available and bending over backwards for them.

So J…oh J why do you have to be such a shy and awkward little B? I still like him but I have hung my hat up trying to get this guy. I am going to not make myself very available and see if he pursues me. If he does then I’ll decide if he’s worth it. I cancelled my friend request on Facebook to him and have kept all communication strictly about work. Except one email exchange about Legoland and asking if I should take my son there. Now I’m done and will not contact him at all.

So men like Bitches huh? Well I guess let the bitch come out and see what happens. No more nice girl from next door. Introduce the confident and sexy woman who is busy and unavailable yet occasionally shows a tiny bit of interest. Let the story unfold!

Do nice girls finish last?

So you’ve heard the saying that nice guys finish last… So can the reverse be true? Do nice girls finish last? I’m a pretty nice person; I’m thoughtful, caring, considerate, generous with my time, affectionate, good sense of humor and not bad to look at. Why can’t I get a guy to be interested in me?

I’ve tried to meet people organically through friends of friends or work. I’ve tried tinder which has the rep as a hook up app (which I didn’t know). I’ve tried the more respectable online app, match.com and have gone on the most horrible date I’ve ever been on in my life (see my entry about paging Dr. Groper). I get a few guys interested in me and we may chat a little and then they disappear! Or if I don’t meet with them immediately they quit talking to me.

So I had some girl time with a girlfriend of mine the other night and her boyfriend happened to be there so I picked his brain about a guy’s perspective on dating. Did you know that most guys expect sex on the 3rd date? I had NO clue!! No wonder swim coach didn’t want anything to do with me after I didn’t sleep with him on the 3rd date. I had no idea these expectations existed. I think my ideals around dating are based upon my experiences in middle school and high school which are very naive.

So here I am, an attractive NICE girl and I can’t get a guy to see me for more than 1 or 2 months without them dropping me like a hot potato if I don’t open the gates to my secret garden within 3 dates. Do I not have enough intrigue and mystique to hold a guy’s attention? Do I need to put out to hold a guys attention? I guess I may be single for a very long time because this old fashioned gal doesn’t just sleep with anyone. She is still searching for that chivalrous knight in shining armor. I may be searching a long time